Mignon McLaughlin

Many are saved from sin by being so inept at it.

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Helen Rowland

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.

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William H. Hahn, Jr.

I told you I was sick. (Epitaph on headstone.)

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W.C. Fields

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

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Garfield

Good times are ahead! Or behind. Because they sure aren't here.

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Jack Benny

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

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Stephen Fry

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people in the world?

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